First Time Moms, Conquer Your Fears

First Time Moms, Conquer Your Fears

As a First time mom, I made a great many resolutions when my children were born. Some were vague, if heartfelt: I'll take good care of you; I will keep you safe. Some were specific: I'll breastfeed you for at least 1year. It was a momentous turning point, the birth of a child, filled with pain and emotion. It was a date to remember forever. And so, of course, it was a time for resolutions.
Being a first timer, there seems to be some very basic primal need to mark important dates by making resolutions. I've been greeting the first day of this or the first day of that with a list of ways to better myself for as long as I can remember.  I will exercise regularly and eat a much healthier diet.
And yes, I have accumulated quite a pile of failed and repeated resolutions (I have been resolving to stop procrastinating since high school, which means that I have now successfully put it off for decades). But I keep making them, and I wouldn't want to give up the practice. It suggests that change for the better really is possible and that today could be the first day of a new, improved me. Or maybe tomorrow.
But having a child was different. Becoming someone's mother meant that my role in the world had changed -- I wasn't just the same old me trying to be a new, improved version. I was a mother, really and truly and forever, and the question was, what kind of person, what kind of mother, would be reflected in my child's eyes? 

I've known more new moms who were a little embarrassed by what motherhood had turned them into and fear of  the possible consequences they think they could get into it. They had a little difficulty in conquering some fears of motherhood. Women who once enjoyed foreign films, presidential politics, or the latest Cormac McCarthy novel find themselves wondering: Did I really just spend half an hour weighing the relative merits of rubber pacifiers over silicone ones? We can't really help ourselves -- motherhood, particularly new motherhood, is so absorbing it hijacks our brains as well as our hearts.
But just because a mom isn't pondering politics and art or the latest dire reports on climate change doesn't mean she isn't using the best of her mind. All the time I wasn't watching the news, but I read a lot of books, Making a lot more ways to earn, attending seminars for my spiritual life and raising up my financial literacy. I was thinking --about how to give my children boundaries that would make them feel secure but not thwart their natural sense of adventure; about how to foster curiosity and kindness and gratitude and good humor; about how to help my kids feel connected to the world but not entrapped by worldliness. Without realizing it, I was getting a crash course in human development and social interaction.

What a mom learns by knowing a child from its first tiny flutter is nothing less than how a human being is formed. Motherhood forces us to understand, if only so we can teach it to our children, what really matters in the small space we each have between birth and death. And the easiest way for me to learn this lesson is by living in deep, penetrating kinship with other human beings -- by living, in other words, in a family.
I'm glad I've reached a point in motherhood that I've never felt the fears of being a first time mom which I used to think even before I was still pregnant. Now, watching movies with my husband and taking an interest in the stock market and global events is possible again, and I admire the moms out there who get to this point more quickly than I did. But I still stubbornly insist that the weeks, months, or even years a mother spends focused on a child is a fruitful intellectual time as well. Even now what I discover from my children -- from studying my glad, inquisitive, compassionate, creative, and life -- embracing children -- still strikes me as far more enlightening, and far more permanent, than what I learn by tuning in to the nightly news.

 Conquering Your Fears:

>> Set standardsFor older children, set the standard of language used in your home and stick to it. Children over six should be capable of understanding house rules, so if your seven-year-old uses a ‘bad’ word, you should sit down with him and explain why it is offensive.
>> Don’t let whiners winIf your children love to whine, ignore them. This will send the message that not only does whining not get them what they want, it does not bother you at all. Also, make sure you are not encouraging their whining habit. Try to respond quickly if they call you and praise them if they don’t whine.
>> Make things easierTry to structure your rules and routines around what your children need so that you are setting the scene to help them exhibit desirable behaviour which you can reward. For instance, if your nine-year-old is having problems with schoolwork, create a quiet place for him to work away from the distraction of TV.
>> Be an active ignorerIf your children throw temper tantrums regularly and don’t seem to be growing out of them, try a bit of active ignoring. Turn away from them and say something like: "I can’t hear you when you shout and scream", or "I don’t like that, so tell me when you’ve finished".
>> Double up on disciplineIf your pre-schoolers are prone to hitting others, join forces with your partner to make sure they get the message that it is not an acceptable behaviour. For instance, if they hit you, discipline them appropriately and then get your partner to reinforce the message.
>> Be adaptableParents often find it difficult to strike a balance between the needs of their children and other people, particularly when visiting friends or family who don’t have children themselves. Explain your problems and compromise – babies can be adaptable too.
>> Family getawayTry to take a family holiday at least once a year where your immediate family can spend some time together away from your home and not worry about work and responsibilities. If you’re worried about money, try camping, house-swapping with relatives, etc. Or you can stay home, plan for a pajama day for the whole family, gather them all in the sala with lots of healthy food and have a movie marathon. 

A mother's work is never easy, and for a mother who works outside the home, things are especially tough this year. In these trying economic times, moms that are conquering their fears of the balancing act between family and work is more challenging than ever, according to CareerBuilder's annual Mother's Day survey of 469 working mothers.
Here's what the survey found:

Thirty percent of working moms whose companies have experienced layoffs in the previous 12 months are working longer hours than they used to.

Fourteen percent of surveyed moms have taken second jobs during the last year to make ends meet.

Combining family needs, financial woes and busy schedules, it shouldn't come as a surprise that 34 percent of moms admit to feeling burned out these days.

Employees across all demographics are feeling pressure to work harder as they discover the truth behind the "do more with less" mantra. Not only are working mothers picking up the responsibilities left behind by laid off colleagues, but they also want to maintain high quality of their own work.
Consequently, they're devoting more time to their jobs and less time to home and family. Therefore, 43 percent of surveyed mothers say they work more than 40 hours each week. Sixteen percent of working mothers bring work home at least twice a week, and 6 percent bring home work every day.

We all know working mothers always want to fulfill their job duties without neglecting their families. Yet, 40 percent of working mothers fear losing their jobs today more than they did a year ago. As a result of this extra time in the office, 19 percent of moms say they spend two hours or less with their children each day, and 25 percent have missed two or more significant events in their child's life in the last year.


As much as mothers love receiving flowers and homemade crafts on Mother's Day, this year the one gift they want most is time. Despite the current economy being one of the toughest in the nation's history, nearly one-third of mothers say they would consider a pay cut to spend more time with their children.
Fortunately, many employers are accommodating the needs of mothers who need some flexibility to balance their work-life demands. And working moms are eager to make the most of this opportunity. Fifty-five percent of working moms say they take advantage of their employers' flexible work arrangements, and a vast majority report that their career progress hasn't been hindered as a result.


Balancing Your Responsibilities:
Although there's no magic formula for raising children and having a successful career, there are steps you can take to ensure that you, your family and your job don't suffer. Here are five tips to help working moms achieve a successful work-life balance:
1. Take care of yourself
Although your plate is already full, you need to secure some "me" time each week to indulge in your favorite activities. To prevent your personal time from being bumped off the list of priorities, block off the time as an appointment on your calendar.
2. Talk to your manager
Communicate your needs to your manager and illustrate how your improved work/life balance will benefit the company. For example, compressed work-weeks, flexible hours (so you can arrive earlier and leave earlier) and telecommuting can help productivity and save the company money.
3. Keep a routine
Divide household responsibilities (such as dinner preparation, chores and bill paying) between you and your family so that everyone is involved. If you have a partner, share responsibilities so that no one is bogged down in chores and you can enjoy quality time together.
4. Make the most of family time
Transitioning from professional to mother can be hard to do when you walk through the door, but don't forget to enjoy time with your children when you're home. You might want to cross off another laundry list of to-dos when you get home, but don't let the minor tasks distract you from enjoying activities with your children.

5. Lighten the load
Being a working mom might make you feel like a superhero, but you're only one woman. Learn to delegate responsibilities so that you're not on every call and in every meeting. Your staff will grow in their positions and you'll have less stress.